Rest as a Form of Dreaming
In December 2023, I got laid off from my first full-time job out of art school. It was disappointing to say the least, but over these past few months, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned that rest is a privilege and is also a very difficult practice. I’ve had a lot of time to myself and I’ve learned to care for my body and soul more intentionally by going on a vacation, cooking my own meals, scheduling in mental breaks or moments of play throughout my week, reading more fiction, and seeking out new connections.
Taking A Deep Breath
At the start of January 2024, I landed a full-time role that would begin at the end of February 2024, making the 2-month period of unemployment more like a new year break and allowing me to rest before my next chapter started. I’ve been fortunate enough to build a stable financial situation, which gave me the courage to take on more freelancing projects during that time. I got to work with one of my previous project managers on a children’s coloring book that represented diverse and disabled folks. I also got to work with a lovely couple who wanted custom wedding postcards about their love story for their guestbook signing. It was truly such a joy to work on these projects and I feel so grateful that I even encountered these opportunities at the perfect time when I could take them on.
Throughout the past 2 months, my routine shifted dramatically and what I found was that my body only really began to settle into a slower pace of life in the 3rd or 4th week. At first, I felt quite anxious and restless about filling my time. I wanted to ensure that I stayed productive and made the most out of the time I had by catching up on personal projects, researching new mediums to try, keeping track of my finances, etc. And to no surprise, the most nourishing activities were actually the ones where I didn’t think about or felt motivated by “productivity”.
“And to no surprise, the most nourishing activities were actually the ones where I didn’t think about or felt motivated by ‘productivity’”
Rest that Feels Nourishing and Expansive
When I planned my meals, I felt a sense of accomplishment that I was putting thought and care into what I fed my body. When I worked on personal or client projects I felt passionate about, I lost my sense of time and noticed how fruitful my creativity was. When I read with no timeline in mind, I felt free to explore what thoughts and feelings came up for me. I realized that for the majority of my life, I’ve been running a marathon; after high school, I went into university the following September. Throughout post-secondary, I worked every summer to build my experience and work towards a full-time job. A week after I graduated from Emily Carr University, I started working full-time at a boutique design studio. This was my first real break in years (as sad as that is to say).
I understand rest is a privilege and a luxury, especially in this day and age. I reflect on these past two months with deep gratitude and longing; I think it’s a beautiful and brave act to welcome the space to get to know myself.
Seeds I’m Planting
In reflecting about this experience, I wanted to share some dreams that came out of this period of rest:
I would love to freelance full-time someday. I love working with clients who align with my values and creating work that feels meaningful to me consistently. It will likely present many challenges, but being able to work on projects that align with my strengths has been so fulfilling!
I want my daily routine to be simple and slow. Living a rich and full life for me looks like working part-time, trying complicated recipes, doing errands in the middle of the day, meeting up with friends (old and new ones) regularly, and going to bed at 10 PM.
I want to be involved in a creative community. Over the past few months, I’ve been able to meet with several creatives I admire from Vancouver and I’ve loved getting to know each of them. I’ve really cherished their stories and insights, and I want to continue connecting with creatively-driven people.
To speak these dreams into the world is to memorialize them. These are 24-year old Fyonna’s dreams and they can change over time, and that’s okay.
A New Ritual
This year I felt inspired by my friend, April Milne, to create a bingo card of all of my goals instead of a list of resolutions for 2024. Last year, I tried to approach it by creating an “In’s” and “Out’s” list, but what I found was that I never revisited what I wrote down. By gamifying my goals (some of which are more like milestones rather than goals), I feel so much more motivated to achieve them and it makes it a lot more fun. I’ve even crossed off 6 boxes by the time I publish this entry!
Something I want to be intentional about is to incentivize myself by actually celebrating my accomplishments this year. I wrote down some of the things or experiences I’ll purchase once I get a bingo and even a blackout. I’m quite excited to see what this year brings :) And in the case I don’t get a bingo, I’m proud of the goals I achieved and the milestones I experienced along the way.
